I did not know much how someone could turn into an even more desirable being until the proof stared at me last weekend.He was beautiful the last time we shared laughters and a tadbit of misunderstanding in the place where he practically grew and destiny led me last euphoric April.And in just five months time,he has become a human angel minus the halo.His cherubic countenance makes me even more drawn to him.
Flashback:With the sole intention of being distant from boredom for four days in a row,I graciously accepted ate Jingle's invitation to her hometown to spend the holy week at.Having known that some close friends would join,I did not have the slightest hesitation,at all because that was what I needed---fun with friends.With much anticipation for joyfilled escapades,I permitted my whims to fly to places of perfection since they were unguarded in my imaginations.You see,I have this innate Ally McBealism tendency to romanticize things into a big utopian illusion,which I find healthy for me somehow.
On the day we arrived there,discomfort enveloped me as the ruthless heat of the sun tried to fry my already copper-toned skin.Having established the truth about me being a warm-blooded person,I easily get allergic to heat of any form.All I wanted at that moment was for a miracle to spark,maybe for snow to precipitate from the heavens and sheat the entire place with coldness.But I thought that would never happen in any part of the Philippines even until the next ice age so I just lured the group into wanting to take a dip in a beach there.The idea of beach swimming never fails to vehemently gives me solace,a feeling I seize but long to seize even more when i feel it .Sometimes I find myself soaked in the belief that I was originally cut for the lands (or shall I say the waters)of sea creatures but God forgot to bestow me gills and fins so he just decided to mingle me with humans anyway.Beaches have a wonderful way of making me lost under its beatitude and I certainly like the dash of mystery it unfolds before the windows of my soul.However,I was taken aback when I discovered that some beach in Argao,'though not palatial,offers more than what WAIKIKI BEACH in Hawaii or Boracay could...and that is Raymund.
Even from afar,he was conspicuously a vision already as he passionately swayed with the waves on his skimboard.I always thought of waves as unfriendly but as I watched him apparently enjoying every splash of it,I had another thought coming.It maybe was and is the reason why he has achieved that sublimity of his body shape that in even the shadows of his silhouette,perfection would be carved.Right there and then I closed my eyes and pleaded with the stars to fall so I could wish that he would at least notice me.And he did.
Having Girle as a friend is a blessing I say.To top it all off,it was she who ignited Raymund's and my world to revolve and breath life.I played demure at first but my conviction gained courage to somehow display lil chunks of my affection,after all how would he know?I was not much into believing that I could erect a strong affection for someone in just a mere day but as I got to know him better and even sweeter,I knew I was falling for him.
I thought our story would end the way Disney's animations always do since I did not detect dark clouds threatening to hinder the bright lights that would have illumined our future.For hours,in fact,we were like Ethan Hawke and Julie Delphy in the movie Before Sunset who were internally and externally in high spirits when they met but knew that time was limited so they seized it while it lasted.The only difference:my story with Raymund was shorter.Who was to blame?...my ill-mannered pride.
I left the rendezvous with a wounded heart and longing to talk to him but I guess my pride took power over my weakness.I quit texting him cold turkey and so did he.That's how the first part of our story ended--no commas or periods,just several question marks.I groped for answers but none was found until I went back to the very place we first met last weekend.
Recent encounter:I had to accept ate Jingle's invitation again.More than my craving for the fiesta putahe ate Jingle would prepare for her visitors,I knew I had to see him one last time to know the things which were left unsaid between us.Maybe I did also want to hear Lutttos and Ryan teasing us because it always makes me feel like my hair has grown 12 inches longer and maybe,I just really wanted to hear him say to me those words I so long to hear...a feeling that was set off due to his demonsrtrative gestures of affection towards me.
So we met again.Only that this time around,I was a little more forward.Awkward moments crept out of the atmosphere,'though but that did not stand in my way to show him that I still care.My words,as usual were methaphoric but I was sure he could make out.I walked extra miles to achieve a goal I set but my psychokinesis energy was not strong enough to make him stay.He took time to mentally make love to me 'though.Our conversation was an orgy of words and his eyes,everytime they are laid on mine,healed most of my desires.But it lasted only for what seemed like a split second.I was the same when I went back home...puzzled.
Now,I am not sure if it'd be wise to follow this lil voice within me that says,"go ahead and take your chance."Maybe I will.Maybe not.Or maybe,I'll just wait for destiny to scheme yet another plot for our story...if ever love leads me back.